What to Expect From Therapy: Counselling Myths Explained by Someone Whose Ducks Still Aren’t in a Row

One of the most common things I hear when clients first start sessions with me is “I have no idea how talking to you is going to help with this” And do you know what? That's a valid question.  

And before we go any further, let me clear something up…

Just because I’m a therapist doesn’t mean I have life completely figured out.

My ducks are not perfectly lined up in military formation.Some of them are wandering off.One’s probably missing entirely.And another is causing chaos somewhere I haven’t found yet.

I have regular therapy myself. I believe in it. And I think that matters.

Because therapy isn’t about pretending to have a perfect life, it’s about being honest enough to admit that life is messy, complicated and no one has a perfect life.

Therapy Isn’t Just for People in Crisis

One of the biggest counselling myths is that you only go to therapy when things have completely fallen apart.

That’s simply not true.

People seek counselling for all kinds of reasons:

• Anxiety and stress

• Relationship struggles

• Low mood

• Trauma

• Burnout

• Loss of direction

• Low confidence

• Feeling emotionally exhausted

·

Or just feeling “not quite right”

You do not need to hit rock bottom before asking for support in fact I would go as far as to say it is more beneficial to reach out before you reach that point.

In fact, many people come to therapy because they want to better understand themselves before things become overwhelming.

“But Won’t the Therapist Judge Me?”

Honestly? Most therapists are too busy being human themselves.

Therapy is not about judgement.It’s about connection, reflection, and creating a safe space where you can talk openly without feeling criticised or dismissed.

I think sometimes people expect therapists to live these perfectly calm, organised lives where we meditate at sunrise and always know the right thing to say.

Reality check: I am human too. I really struggle to meditate; I don’t journal every day and I get things wrong! I feel overwhelmed at times, struggle to sleep because of pesky racing thoughts and worry that I am good enough. The difference for me now is that I don’t tell myself off for having these thoughts and feelings I approach them with curiosity.

That’s part of what helps me sit alongside other people with empathy rather than judgement.

What Actually Happens in Therapy?

It’s simply a conversation.  A therapeutic conversation with you at the heart of it.

You don’t walk in and immediately get interrogated about your childhood while I scribble mysterious notes. (And there is no couch to lie on either).

Therapy often looks like:

• Talking about what brought you there

• Discussing how you’ve been feeling

• Exploring what support you’re looking for

• Laughing and crying together (there is space for both!)

One thing I don’t offer is advice, because it would be quite patronising of me to assume I have your answers – I don’t! But what I can do is sit alongside you and help you figure out your own answers. There is definitely space for some psycho-education around what is happening in the brain, experience tells me that when we get a handle on what our brain is trying to do (simply put - survive) we can start to figure out our own hacks on what that might be about and how we want to tweak it going forward.

Having Therapy Doesn’t Mean You’re Weak

Coming from a military background, I know how easy it can be to fall into the mindset of:“Just crack on" ”Get on with it" ”Other people have it worse.”

But carrying everything alone isn’t strength.

Real strength is recognising when something’s affecting you and allowing yourself support.

My own therapy and training helped me understand that vulnerability and resilience can exist together.

You can be capable and struggling.Strong and overwhelmed.Holding it together publicly while privately finding things difficult.

Those things can coexist.

Therapy Isn’t About “Fixing” You

This is important. You are not broken.

Therapy is not about fixing defective people.It’s about understanding yourself more deeply, learning healthier coping strategies, and having space to process things without judgement.

The way we talk to ourselves really matters and what sometimes happens is we get those thoughts mixed up with facts, through this process we unpick that and start to recognise patterns.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been thinking about counselling but feel nervous, uncertain, or worried about what to expect you are not alone.

I offer a free 20-minute Google Meet intro session so you can ask questions and see what it's like to work with me.

And do you know what? I might not be the right therapist for you and that is ok! It doesn’t mean therapy isn’t, finding a good fit in a therapist is so important. And if I don't think I'm the best person to help you and that there are better support options available I am not afraid to tell you that and sign post you to other local support.  It is the only ethical way to work. I genuinely believe in this stuff. #youmatter